This Holiday Season was quite an unusual one, since everything that I had been accustomed to during the Holidays all my life, changed. This year, my Holidays were not spent with a lot of family in the house as usual, but rather with only three people, I included in that mix.
I am spending the winter in Europe and have had some mixed emotions over the last several months on how I feel about this endeavor of mine. It has had it´s pluses and it´s negatives, that is a certainty.
I can´t say that I miss the Canadian snow at all, but I do miss my family and friends who stayed behind.
Along with being in a country where prescription medication laws are not as rigorous as in Canada, comes an opportunity for self medication. That´s what I have been up to and can say that I am doing a great job.. I say this not out of arrogance, but out of hope and joy.
You see, that cytomel that I have mentioned is an over the counter medication here, and it is dirt cheap. I have been taking it for the last few months and feel much much better.
You never know, I might decide to stay.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
After Cancer: New Endo Makes Me Wonder
My depression had dissolved a lot since the dosage increase, but my mood never completely got back to normal; not the normal that I was accustomed too, prior to the first thyroid surgery. So much had changed within me, that at times, I did not recognize myself. The ability to deal with stress had been almost completely stripped away. I now become irritated at the slightest thing. My body also cannot deal with extreme temperatures.. be they hot or cold tempuratures. If it is too hot, I will feel over heated and almost unable to catch my breath. If it is too cold, my hands and feet will literally freeze, leaving me shivering and feeling sick.
I walked into his office and took a seat. A few minutes later, the figure of an older short man walked into the office and sat down on the other side of the large wooden desk. He said hello, I´m doctor____, and then proceeded to go through the folder of papers that my family physician had faxed to him.
He asked what had brought me to him, and so I told him. Starting from the original 25mg cytomel experience, to the depression, to the irritability, to the disagreement with the other endo, to what I felt would resolve my depression.
I told him that I believed that cytomel would cure my depression.. that the T4 increase had helped a lot, but that it hadn´t completely brought me back to the way I should be feeling.
He refused to prescribe cytomel, but agreed that I continued taking the same upped dosage of synthroid. I couldn´t understand why he refused to prescribe the cytomel and keep me on a lower dosage synthroid, but at least he agreed to keep me on the higher dose of T4, which was better than nothing.
He went into his doctor explanation of why he felt that cytomel wasn´t a proper medication that I should be on, and then he said something that completely floored me. His thrown-in little sentence made me think and wonder about people suffering all over the world from clinical depression who really might have a thyroid problem which doctors and their tests are unable to detect.
He said that some psyciatrists are experimenting with a small dose cytomel to treat some patients for depression. HA?? so he agreed with me, while disagreeing with me.. MAKES ME WONDER!!
I walked into his office and took a seat. A few minutes later, the figure of an older short man walked into the office and sat down on the other side of the large wooden desk. He said hello, I´m doctor____, and then proceeded to go through the folder of papers that my family physician had faxed to him.
He asked what had brought me to him, and so I told him. Starting from the original 25mg cytomel experience, to the depression, to the irritability, to the disagreement with the other endo, to what I felt would resolve my depression.
I told him that I believed that cytomel would cure my depression.. that the T4 increase had helped a lot, but that it hadn´t completely brought me back to the way I should be feeling.
He refused to prescribe cytomel, but agreed that I continued taking the same upped dosage of synthroid. I couldn´t understand why he refused to prescribe the cytomel and keep me on a lower dosage synthroid, but at least he agreed to keep me on the higher dose of T4, which was better than nothing.
He went into his doctor explanation of why he felt that cytomel wasn´t a proper medication that I should be on, and then he said something that completely floored me. His thrown-in little sentence made me think and wonder about people suffering all over the world from clinical depression who really might have a thyroid problem which doctors and their tests are unable to detect.
He said that some psyciatrists are experimenting with a small dose cytomel to treat some patients for depression. HA?? so he agreed with me, while disagreeing with me.. MAKES ME WONDER!!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
After Cancer: My story cont.
After walking out of the endo´s office, I went home feeling more depressed and hopeless then I had ever felt. It just seemed that coping with depression was going to become ingrained into my future, and honestly, I did not want to go on if it meant that I would be feeling depressed for the rest of my life.
Hitting the lows of all lows in my life, left me in ´desperation mode´, and I decided to take matters into my own hands. As a test, I upped my synthroid dosage without the knowledge of any of my doctors. I did think about all the things that could go wrong with a dosage that is too high, but even those risks were not enough to deter me from wanting to live a semi happy life. Anything was better than having to deal with depression, even if that meant osteoporosis or a heart attack, or something else. Risking what was left of my fragile health, was well worth it if my emotional health improved.
The next morning, I took one and a half pills instead of the usual one pill which was prescribed to me. I went through the day feeling as bad as I had been feeling, but continued to hope that things would change in the upcoming days.
Three days after I had upped my dose of synthroid, I noticed that I was feeling a little better, and for the first time in a long time, a smile escaped my face. A glimmer of hope had entered my being.
As the days continued to pass, my emotional health continued to improve.
My thyroid medication was running out, however, and I knew that I would have to confess to my doctor to what I had been doing, so I called his office and made an appointment.
Two days later, I walked into his office and began telling him about what I had been up to.. He was shocked to say the least, but understood why I had done what I had done.
After hearing about my experience with the endocrinologist, he made an appointment with another endo... a good friend of his.
Hitting the lows of all lows in my life, left me in ´desperation mode´, and I decided to take matters into my own hands. As a test, I upped my synthroid dosage without the knowledge of any of my doctors. I did think about all the things that could go wrong with a dosage that is too high, but even those risks were not enough to deter me from wanting to live a semi happy life. Anything was better than having to deal with depression, even if that meant osteoporosis or a heart attack, or something else. Risking what was left of my fragile health, was well worth it if my emotional health improved.
The next morning, I took one and a half pills instead of the usual one pill which was prescribed to me. I went through the day feeling as bad as I had been feeling, but continued to hope that things would change in the upcoming days.
Three days after I had upped my dose of synthroid, I noticed that I was feeling a little better, and for the first time in a long time, a smile escaped my face. A glimmer of hope had entered my being.
As the days continued to pass, my emotional health continued to improve.
My thyroid medication was running out, however, and I knew that I would have to confess to my doctor to what I had been doing, so I called his office and made an appointment.
Two days later, I walked into his office and began telling him about what I had been up to.. He was shocked to say the least, but understood why I had done what I had done.
After hearing about my experience with the endocrinologist, he made an appointment with another endo... a good friend of his.
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