It's been awhile since my last posting.
The weather here in sunny Portugal hasn't been very sunny for the last several days. Today, that has seemed to change. The sun is shining and the birds are singing, and I along.
Being a cancer survivor has taught me many things in life. It has driven me to the depths of hell and has risen me to the grace of light. In reflection, I welcome both.
It's never an easy road, tho. That is a given. Being 'property' of hospitals and doctors, tears and fear, good words and bad, has certainly given me a different perspective. Every day is a blessing, whether it is filled with pain, or filled with joy. We just need to understand it, and accept it as evolution of oneself. I would never be the person I am today unless I had experienced all the sorrow that I have experienced throughout my very difficult lifetime. I don't think that I would have said these words two years ago.. I don't think I would have said these words eight months ago. But today, the sun is shining bright. It brings warmth, and love, and joy and yes, it also brings hope for tomorrow.
I can only hope that those of you who are in that cold, unforgiving pit, that you find the courage within yourself to stay strong and continue to hope for a better tomorrow. No matter how long you have been in the depths of hell, there is hope for you. Believe me when I say that I was probably the most cynical person alive when it came to feeling hopeful for myself, for my life, for anything good to come my way, but that has happened finally, and it feels terrific!
Stay strong!
Peace to those who don't have it, love to those to crave it, joy to those who are crying.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
After Cancer: A New Day Has Come
This Holiday Season was quite an unusual one, since everything that I had been accustomed to during the Holidays all my life, changed. This year, my Holidays were not spent with a lot of family in the house as usual, but rather with only three people, I included in that mix.
I am spending the winter in Europe and have had some mixed emotions over the last several months on how I feel about this endeavor of mine. It has had it´s pluses and it´s negatives, that is a certainty.
I can´t say that I miss the Canadian snow at all, but I do miss my family and friends who stayed behind.
Along with being in a country where prescription medication laws are not as rigorous as in Canada, comes an opportunity for self medication. That´s what I have been up to and can say that I am doing a great job.. I say this not out of arrogance, but out of hope and joy.
You see, that cytomel that I have mentioned is an over the counter medication here, and it is dirt cheap. I have been taking it for the last few months and feel much much better.
You never know, I might decide to stay.
I am spending the winter in Europe and have had some mixed emotions over the last several months on how I feel about this endeavor of mine. It has had it´s pluses and it´s negatives, that is a certainty.
I can´t say that I miss the Canadian snow at all, but I do miss my family and friends who stayed behind.
Along with being in a country where prescription medication laws are not as rigorous as in Canada, comes an opportunity for self medication. That´s what I have been up to and can say that I am doing a great job.. I say this not out of arrogance, but out of hope and joy.
You see, that cytomel that I have mentioned is an over the counter medication here, and it is dirt cheap. I have been taking it for the last few months and feel much much better.
You never know, I might decide to stay.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
After Cancer: New Endo Makes Me Wonder
My depression had dissolved a lot since the dosage increase, but my mood never completely got back to normal; not the normal that I was accustomed too, prior to the first thyroid surgery. So much had changed within me, that at times, I did not recognize myself. The ability to deal with stress had been almost completely stripped away. I now become irritated at the slightest thing. My body also cannot deal with extreme temperatures.. be they hot or cold tempuratures. If it is too hot, I will feel over heated and almost unable to catch my breath. If it is too cold, my hands and feet will literally freeze, leaving me shivering and feeling sick.
I walked into his office and took a seat. A few minutes later, the figure of an older short man walked into the office and sat down on the other side of the large wooden desk. He said hello, I´m doctor____, and then proceeded to go through the folder of papers that my family physician had faxed to him.
He asked what had brought me to him, and so I told him. Starting from the original 25mg cytomel experience, to the depression, to the irritability, to the disagreement with the other endo, to what I felt would resolve my depression.
I told him that I believed that cytomel would cure my depression.. that the T4 increase had helped a lot, but that it hadn´t completely brought me back to the way I should be feeling.
He refused to prescribe cytomel, but agreed that I continued taking the same upped dosage of synthroid. I couldn´t understand why he refused to prescribe the cytomel and keep me on a lower dosage synthroid, but at least he agreed to keep me on the higher dose of T4, which was better than nothing.
He went into his doctor explanation of why he felt that cytomel wasn´t a proper medication that I should be on, and then he said something that completely floored me. His thrown-in little sentence made me think and wonder about people suffering all over the world from clinical depression who really might have a thyroid problem which doctors and their tests are unable to detect.
He said that some psyciatrists are experimenting with a small dose cytomel to treat some patients for depression. HA?? so he agreed with me, while disagreeing with me.. MAKES ME WONDER!!
I walked into his office and took a seat. A few minutes later, the figure of an older short man walked into the office and sat down on the other side of the large wooden desk. He said hello, I´m doctor____, and then proceeded to go through the folder of papers that my family physician had faxed to him.
He asked what had brought me to him, and so I told him. Starting from the original 25mg cytomel experience, to the depression, to the irritability, to the disagreement with the other endo, to what I felt would resolve my depression.
I told him that I believed that cytomel would cure my depression.. that the T4 increase had helped a lot, but that it hadn´t completely brought me back to the way I should be feeling.
He refused to prescribe cytomel, but agreed that I continued taking the same upped dosage of synthroid. I couldn´t understand why he refused to prescribe the cytomel and keep me on a lower dosage synthroid, but at least he agreed to keep me on the higher dose of T4, which was better than nothing.
He went into his doctor explanation of why he felt that cytomel wasn´t a proper medication that I should be on, and then he said something that completely floored me. His thrown-in little sentence made me think and wonder about people suffering all over the world from clinical depression who really might have a thyroid problem which doctors and their tests are unable to detect.
He said that some psyciatrists are experimenting with a small dose cytomel to treat some patients for depression. HA?? so he agreed with me, while disagreeing with me.. MAKES ME WONDER!!
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